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Die Rückkehr

You gotta keep on keepin' on. - Oasis

Yes, I'm back. Well, physically at least.

As most of you know, I spent the last weeks with my family on the other side of the world, always having the feeling, that my family by heart is working on a farm, somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

The last time I actually saw my dear Turbas was like 6-7 weeks ago, and I can't believe how I managed to stay content. You heard right: Fanny is content. Some of you might remember me a few years ago, when I was all down and everything. It got better, it really did. And I think, the main reason for the change is a bunch of extremely understanding people I could be myself with. I don't know, why some exchange students changed their personality just to be accepted by some dumb school friends. I certainly didn't. And so it happened, that many people thought I'm strange, too serious, too shy. But to be honest, people who don't have the urge to look twice at new people, never interested me. I made some awesome friends though, and I will try to keep in touch with them. Facebook is scary, but in this case helpful.

They changed my life in an extremely touching way: Dave & Annika, Karl, Ana, Hans and Anton. I really do love them, and I know, most of you won't be able to understand it. But it's the truth. I'm impossibly attached to them. I'm as much a Turba as I am part of my own biological family.

I miss the strawberries in front of the house, the roar of the tractor on a Saturday morning, the real milk, the drooling dog, Anton annoying me with a laser pointer, offending Karl, making mean comments about Anas pink shoes, joking with Hans all day, listening to Dave and talking about God with Annika. I miss it all.
So here I am. Back in old Germany, yet homesick.

I know it'll get better and time goes by and sooner or later I'll see them again. But E-mails and facebook are sometimes not enough. I actually want to stand in the kitchen and wash the huge pile of dirty dishes and complain about friggin' Lady Bugs in my room. I want to see Roman, Enoch's new brother, grow up. I want to see Enoch smacking little girls. I want to see Anton falling in love the first time, and Hans officially driving a car and listening to Wolfmother. I want to gossip about boys with Ana, and annoy Karl about his new girlfriend. I want to be a part of their life.

So, now I could go on forever about the past, but real life tells me, I gotta move on. Only one, two or three more years, then I'll be back. I don't know how long. Who knows, maybe forever. Until then, I'm here. And I'm not saying, I hate it here, because that's not true. I have amazing friends who always listen to me whining about how much life sucks and I have my sister who annoys me every single minute of the day, but whom I could not love more. I could not live without my parents who are as different from me as possible, although concerned about me every day.

Though what I am saying is: Thank you.
Most of the people ever mentioned in this blog will never be replacable, and so I thank them for the times they supported me.

I intended to insert the whole first E-mail Annika sent me, but now I'm not sure. Maybe it's too personal and I can't share every detail of my life with everybody.
So this is the beginning and the ending of it:

Querida Fanny,  I'm so glad you wrote so now I have your e-mail.  I'm so happy you are safe at home with family.  BUT we miss you terribly!!!! I'm crying as I write this.  You will always be very special to us and are welcome back tomorrow.  I really want to meet your family so bring them soon.  One morning I asked the boys, who misses Fanny?,  Hans' reply was, "Fanny who?"  Spoken like a true brother. They really do miss you. [...] We love you and miss you terribly!

You probably know, that this is the very last time I blog. I only did, so you know, that some things can last very easily.
But I kinda like the blogging thing, so I just created a twitter account. Check it out if you are interested:
http://twitter.com/negaholic

All right, so this is my official ending of my exchange year in Wisconsin 08/09. So I guess I gotta say Bye to myblog, too.

P.s. Enoch's the best!

8.8.09 13:28


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